Seddon Deadly Sins

By Jessica Hoadley on 22 Nov 2013
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Looking for a new breakfast nook after a busy morning of inspections? This week Street News writer Jessica Hoadley gave into temptation at Seddon Deadly Sins – and it never tasted better.

Seddon Deadly Sins

Seddon Deadly Sins
Photo: Jessica Hoadley

Seddon Deadly Sins – 148 Victoria Street, Seddon

Have you sinned lately?

Opposite the Macedonian Orthodox Church on Victoria Street, Seddon, this little redbrick café is where locals of all faiths congregate every morning of the week.

My friend and I arrive at 10am on a grey Saturday morning. We’re shown through the busy front and back rooms to the rear courtyard, which is nicely sheltered from the wind.

Sail shades protect us from the chance of any rain, and the heaters are cranking, creating a cosy space amongst the honeysuckle growing on the rustic yellow walls.

The Seven Deadly Sins courtyard

The rustic courtyard was bustling at 10am
Photo: Jessica Hoadley

The breakfast menu is divided into the Christian ‘seven deadly sins’, allowing customers to choose between Pride and Sloth, Wrath and Lust, and so on from menus printed inside children’s Little Golden Books. You know, classics like The Poky Little Puppy and The Jolly Barnyard.

Bibles would better suit the theme, but I guess they’d be a hassle for the waiters to lug around.

Enjoy a coffee at Seddon Deadly Sins

The cafe plays heavily on the ‘seven deadly sins’ theme
Photo: Jessica Hoadley

“What’s the best one for a hangover?” asks a woman in dark sunglasses.

“Gluttony,” says the waitress, confidently. “Do you want it poached, fried or scrambled?”

Me, I opt for Envy. Beer-battered haloumi with two poached eggs and bacon, served on baby spinach with an onion-fig-chilli jam. I can never go past haloumi when I see it on a menu, and today is no different.

The breakfast menu is divided into the Christian ‘seven deadly sins’, allowing customers to choose between Pride and Sloth, Wrath and Lust…”

‘Heart attack on a plate,’ the little angel on my shoulder chastises me. ‘But it comes with spinach,’ argues the little devil.

The meals arrive quickly. My deep-friend haloumi is mouth-wateringly crunchy and molten, becoming chewier as it cools, and the fig in the chilli jam gives it a delicious grittiness. There’s no need for toast, and the spinach saves me from too much guilt.

My friend orders a special: mango and avocado salsa with poached eggs and bacon on sourdough.

Mango and avocado salsa with poached eggs

The special of the morning: mango and avocado salsa with poached eggs and bacon
Photo: Jessica Hoadley

The food envy hits him halfway through our meals, which is lucky for my arteries, so we swap. His mango salsa is sweet and tangy, the perfect complement to the richness of the haloumi. 

“And we’re all happy?” the café co-owner, a hulky dude in work boots and an apron, checks in with us.

“Mm hm. Mm.” We can’t even talk.

Come to the dark side. Sinning has never tasted so good.

About the Author

Jessica Hoadley is a writer and editor based in Melbourne. She has completed a Bachelor of Arts (Creative Writing) and an Associate Degree of Professional Writing and Editing. She has been published in Voiceworks, Catalyst and Lip Mag.

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